CLEANSE WITH US (You won’t be sorry.)
January 20 might feel like the best day or the worst day to you. Either way is cool with us. For SW, let’s just say it’s all feeling a little… surreal. Uncertain. Okay let’s be real we’re all a little bit scared and a lot confused.
The easiest thing to do in a time like this (besides yelling a lot) is to turn to coping mechanisms. For most of us, those mechanisms are consumable. Booze, sugar, french fries…techonology. And thanks to how strange this January is, we sort of said “screw it” to New Year’s resolutions that involved cleaning our diets and taking better care of ourselves. I think most of us were more like: “hmmm what do I want to do in 2017… Survive?”
But that is NOT good enough. That’s like giving up actually. Because first of all, has your life changed for the worse [yet]? Probably not. Are you mostly building up a lot of fear and a lot of coping for no reason [yet]? Probably. Do you love a good excuse to booze it up and OD on ice cream? Duh. Do you really think you’re making your life better or the world better by doing that? Def not. Do you really think you’ll be ready to handle everything coming at us if you’re in a coping coma? Probably not.
If you’re feeling like we’re all about to go to war for what’s right, you should probably have a clear mind for that. If you’re feeling like this is the worst thing to happen in your lifetime, it’s a good opportunity to really, really feel it–not run away from it. If you’re so stoked and can’t wait to spend four years telling everyone you were right (and we really, really hope you are), you’ll be much more convincing if you’re not drunk/hung over while you tell us.
Most importantly, this is what SW has to offer the world in times like this: a plan to feel better physically (and as a byproduct, emotionally) all on your own so that you can go kick ass in whatever way you want to do that. And it’s free. But not super easy. So I built out levels. Stop whining.
SKIN CLEANSE LEVEL 1 AKA I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS BUT FINE
Duration: one week
Skin: no makeup
Food: no alcohol, coffee, sugar, dairy
Tech: one day with either no TV, laptop, phone, or social media
SKIN CLEANSE LEVEL 2 AKA I’M TOUGH BUT NOT INSANE
Duration: two weeks
Skin: no makeup + look at your current regimen, cut it in half
Food: no alcohol, coffee, sugar, dairy, non-grass-fed red meat, corn, wheat, soy
Tech: two days with either no TV, laptop, phone, or social media
SKIN CLEANSE LEVEL 3 AKA BRING IT I’M NO WUSS
Duration: three weeks
Skin: cut out all products other than what you do in the shower. Wash face with water, use single ingredients to moisturize or DIY’s to play. NO mani/pedi!
Food: no alcohol, coffee, sugar, dairy, red meat, corn, wheat, soy, white potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, peppers. Replace at least one meal per day with either a smoothie or soup.
Tech: three days with either no TV, laptop, phone, or social media
Foods and things to focus on so that you survive: tea, grain coffee, sauerkraut, brown rice and quinoa, fish, beans, eggs, carrots, celery, greens, zoodles, fruit, dates, nut butters, guacamole, hummus, sweet potato fries, mayo, mustard, coconut oil, coconut yogurt, journaling, calling your friends, SEEING your friends, loving on your family, working out, thinking, DIY facials, kitchen cabinet ingredients…
YOU GOT THIS. Gotta cheat? Relax. Do what you can, then go back to it when you can.
Have a million questions? We’re here for you via all the social media, email, and text. Til your day off that is…
Need more incentive? Ugh fine. Email us when you’re done and tell us about your experience with the cleanse + your thoughts on politics (did you go to the Women’s March? The Inauguration? A protest in your city? Let it all out we wanna hear!)–we’ll send you a code for 50% off a full-sized item of your choice from the site.
At the end, we’re gonna round up everyone’s experience and discuss. Til then, we’re in this with you, and we’re here for you. If anyone gives you sass, point them in our direction. If anyone asks how you feel about the inauguration, it seems like “I’m cleansing!” is the best answer, no? And if anyone anyone anyone brings up that you’re not wearing makeup/not drinking/eating weird noodles made out of vegetables, just let them know you’re making America great again.